..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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