Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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