I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
