"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
