is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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