The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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