this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize