I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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