i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
