Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
