Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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