Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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