Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize