i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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