Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
