My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
