I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
