pop tarts are not kleenex
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize