Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
