last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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