I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
