Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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