She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize