I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
