Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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