omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Damn victory sex feels great
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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