Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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