just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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