Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
