I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She bit a glass in half.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
