don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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