Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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