You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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