I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
