shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
