I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
