I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
