I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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