so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
