I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
