Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
