He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
