I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
