you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
