Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize