Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
