Yo dont text me then not text me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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