You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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