it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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