she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
