Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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