I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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