JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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