just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
