the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
