New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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