Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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