please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
