Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
