But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
