Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
