you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
