Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
