do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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