not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
