Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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