I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
where does the pee come out of this thing
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
