hotel room ftw
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
