I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
