you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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