There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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